girl_o_war;

A.M.

No one person or place is the same.. and I love it so, so much. It’s my driving force in life. Those people and places really effect me, almost religiously.

Each singularly important.

They are to me, always, in a sort of memorandum. They move me.
I love them, each, in entirely different and miraculous ways.

But it causes a pain -specific to me, I think.. because there are so many different and miraculous people and places to see out there. No one person or place is any less or more a passion of mine. That is what is great about variety.
But in order to keep seeing new things and meeting new people, I have to leave the ones I’ve met and those places behind.

That doesn’t make them any less important to me or the time we share any less resounding. The distance doesn’t change my feelings.

But there is “a” change. Definitive change that is at first physical, in miles and states - but then remanifests.
It’s metric and immetric.
The distance from one day to the next.
The distance from one beating heart to another.
Distance in memory..distance, the indefinite measure.

The change is subtle at first.
Because we are malleable, we are always changing. It’s another thing I love so very much.. we effect others and they effect us in turn.
What we become is fleeting and something inexpressible in words - It’s a thing witnessed.

It’s a thing I can not be part of from far away.

The distance in miles becomes distance in time.. becomes a sort of detachment.
The distance from one day to the next, and counting..
An indefinite measure.

Eventually, there is a new version of the person I met - and the person I knew is gone.

It isn’t bad,
they are beautifully gone.

Like the view outside a moving car.
I am sure they are beautiful now.

It’s hard to explain.

But I remember and I miss the person I was a part of and the person I knew and could experience in all their subtle ways and little, constant changes.
I am lonely for them - that person on that day of the month, however many years ago. It is so specific.

I know I can’t stop moving and the distance continues to build and redefine itself.

And where I’m sure I change - with each new place, with every new encounter - the hunger in me is the same.
I can’t ignore that I will always want a new place and new people and that almost sanctified road.

My heart is everywhere at once, in each of those people and places - and it’s a bittersweet love.
I often wonder if the bitter or the sweet is heavier.

I go back and forth, really.

But a part of me knows it wouldn’t do to stay.
It would be an injustice to myself.

It would be an injustice to never meet the next person I will miss and the new place I will one day leave behind.

” , “

I hate that people are capable of so much, but the potential of all those capable things are so complex.. and great - so great that they complicate and complicate and complicate until they / you are unable - and can’t enable.. All those capable things and all that potential just sits, and waits.

What a horrible waste it is to wait.